November 22, 2010
Training | What Needs To Be Done On How To Make A Relationship Last
If you think that running a marathon of 26 miles is tough to do then think again. Running a marathon of this distance is nothing compared to keeping a relationship alive and well throughout your life. When you have finished running a marathon after weeks of training then it’s over. You can relax and not think of anything else but in a relationship requires daily training.
A daily training regimen that includes constant awareness of your thoughts and your partners thoughts to insure that you both are in harmony with the goals and objectives of life that you have both communicated to each other. Yes it is not easy but is well worth the effort put forth by both of you.
If you really are having second thoughts on whether or not a relationship is worth it or not think about where you are at right now? Learning to communicate well with each other takes time for anyone to master. How much time has it taken for both of you to understand the ambitions and goals of each other?
Learning to avoid past experiences that doesn’t help either one of you for a future that you want has been learned and both of you have avoided this. Both of your views have been known and you know the hot emotional buttons that can excite both you and her.
Once you’ve gotten past the communication part of the relationship and you’re still standing then you’ve learned to make a commitment to each other for now and the future. Making this commitment is also not an easy chore to finish. But you understand what the prize is and that is a prosperous future that both of you have envisioned together.
Committing to each other like this just deepens the relationship and melds both of you together with a bond that no one person or event can ever break. Life will indeed throw you curves at the most inopportune times but if both of you are strong then let the winds of life blow as hard as they can. Knowing that nothing can break the relationship that you have is something that money cannot buy and is priceless.
You have learned to cope with differences that crop up from time to time. You have learned to compromise and almost have expected to have that type of attitude. In the end you will somewhat get what you want and your partner as well. Both of you will be satisfied and have a well deserved outcome because of it.
So think again when life gets tough and what you have been through to just chuck the relationship away after a bad day.
Is it worth it?
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11 Comments on Training | What Needs To Be Done On How To Make A Relationship Last »
April 7, 2011
Sugar and Spice @ 4:42 am:
1.) It seems to me that that's exactly what it is! she's scared to be hurt the same ways her older sister was. try to be as compassionate and empathetic as u can about that.
2.) No! it's not disrespectful. in fact how old r u? u seem so mature and a gentleman/ stay that way
Also do try to call her if it's all ok with her family. keep in touch as much as u can. do u not think being friends is not only better than not being in touch at all/ but it's also a great and incredible thing about this life?!
Take care Best wishes =)
May 5, 2011
Nina @ 1:35 pm:
Hello Hayden,
I think your post is interesting. I found it when I was looking up “how to let go of a relationship”.
I was in an on- and off- relationship for more than 2 years. It also was my first serious one ever. I came from my home country in Europe to the US for several reasons and he was 1 of them. He was very independent and by himself a lot and also never really had a stable relationship before me. Stable in the sense of seeing each other often, doing couple things. It's also a part of the story that all of this happened in NYC, where people come and go in and out of your life on a daily basis, almost. So I went here and tried, cause usually I bring the change – in a good way!
I tried to show him he means something to me and I do care. I was hoping to get something like that back in return one day. I thought I will break through this emotional block that he seemed to have, considering the fact he was something like a permanent single when I came into his life.
I felt like it was a 70%/30% relationship where I gave the 70%.
And we had moments when I could have sworn, this is what happiness feels like. Like a day on the beach I still remember. I always thought, why isn't he feeling the same. Why isn't he working on this? Does it just mean nothing to him? I really just now think that for him it was probably mostly the physical interest.
He did some things that are impossible for being in a relationship and I told him, that has to change (improve). His life was always chaotic and I wanted to make it stable, to somehow create a future for us. But after 2 years he had more problems than ever before and he never changed a thing. I had my own problems and tried to solve them myself, I'm not perfect either. But I always wanted to be loyal and helpful. He did never take me serious or care for my feelings. So I broke up with him (again).
A half year later without any meetings (and I've met a few guys in the meantime too, but just as friends) I know now that he has moved on.
With a very simple girl, who let's him do whatever he wants and doesn't try to set up some rules. Somebody who is more easy to deal with. Not like me, I always wanted to give things meaning. She isn't even attractive and I don't want that to sound mean. I just say that cause it's now so obvious that he doesn't really care who he is with, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT that she is not 1 more problem on the long list of his problems. I was not easy. I was difficult. I wanted the change for the better, for us both. Now it's all over.
And I'm just still a little sad cause I thought 1 day, he would show up with some flowers and apologizing for all the pain that he caused me, and tell me he was wrong and I AM important to him. But that day never came. Now I'm all by myself in this country and still trying to get it out of my head. He was clearly the wrong guy for me and my brain always knew it. But my heart didn't let it go for so long.
When my situation improves, maybe with a new caring partner me AND MY BRAIN are hopefully finally able to forgive and forget. I am a good person, a person who is now alone with all of her idealism. But that might change soon cause I am single and looking!
If you have any suggestions that would help me taking this a little lighter, I would highly appreciate it. Thank you.
hayden tompkins says:
My first suggestion would be to get rid of anything you have out that remind you of him! I'm not saying you need to throw this stuff away, but designate a box for all your sentimental stuff from your relationship and then ignore it. For example, I had been saving tons of our emails and I finally just deleted them! But first I printed them all out and put them in the box. Even to this day, I haven't gone back through the box – but I just couldn't bear the thought of throwing them away.
You also have to stop cyber-stalking him. (If you are.) If you're friends on Facebook, unfriend him. Don't follow his blog if he has one. The problem is that these tools allow you to feel like you are a part of someone's life and in this particular instance you need to feel the opposite. It's like an addiction, the more you find out, the more you relate it to your relationship and your understanding of him. In my case, I found out he was telling people that his first girlfriend (me) had cheated on him. I was heartbroken and sent him an email asking him why he could possibly say that. I thought I was getting justice but in retrospect he probably thought I was just crazy.
My last piece of advice would be to spend as much time as you can with your friends. The more you are with them, the less time you have to think about this guy. Your brain is kind of like a toddler at this point, it needs a diversion. You won't always be able to escape thinking about him (especially at night) but you can start to move on.
I wish you the best, Nina! It sounds like you are half-way to getting there, it's just going to take a little time and some vigilance on your part. {HUG}
June 6, 2011
katrin @ 9:20 am:
We talk a lot about these issues in a book I just published called Mothers Need Time Outs, Too. Though it's a book for mothers, if you're married than you can't be a happy mom unless you figure out how to make that relationship last! It really takes time and effort, but with those two ingredients you can make a partnership that is solid and soul-sustaining.
In all our research (we talked to over 500 women), sex and money proved to be the biggest bane for women. We argue that more sex makes for better marriages, and that money issues have to be dealt with head on. Check us out at http://www.momstimeouts.com.
July 8, 2011
Twitter @ 5:41 pm:
Ways to End Relationships
July 12, 2011
Twitter @ 9:32 am:
DR’s Love Update How To Let Go Of A Relationship – Tips For Getting Over A Break Up … http://www.fashionihub.com/letting…
August 5, 2011
luckygirl1 @ 4:33 pm:
he sounds jealous. what a douche.
August 25, 2011
Twitter @ 12:48 am:
A Man?s Ways to End Relationships
October 6, 2011
@ 12:09 pm:
hayden tompkins says:
My first suggestion would be to get rid of anything you have out that remind you of him! I'm not saying you need to throw this stuff away, but designate a box for all your sentimental stuff from your relationship and then ignore it. For example, I had been saving tons of our emails and I finally just deleted them! But first I printed them all out and put them in the box. Even to this day, I haven't gone back through the box – but I just couldn't bear the thought of throwing them away.
You also have to stop cyber-stalking him. (If you are.) If you're friends on Facebook, unfriend him. Don't follow his blog if he has one. The problem is that these tools allow you to feel like you are a part of someone's life and in this particular instance you need to feel the opposite. It's like an addiction, the more you find out, the more you relate it to your relationship and your understanding of him. In my case, I found out he was telling people that his first girlfriend (me) had cheated on him. I was heartbroken and sent him an email asking him why he could possibly say that. I thought I was getting justice but in retrospect he probably thought I was just crazy.
My last piece of advice would be to spend as much time as you can with your friends. The more you are with them, the less time you have to think about this guy. Your brain is kind of like a toddler at this point, it needs a diversion. You won't always be able to escape thinking about him (especially at night) but you can start to move on.
I wish you the best, Nina! It sounds like you are half-way to getting there, it's just going to take a little time and some vigilance on your part. {HUG} ]]>
October 17, 2011
helena rogue @ 5:53 am:
becoming too nice is a turn off but a nice guy is not. B.c bad boys get boring sometimes.
November 2, 2011
@ 8:46 pm:
hayden tompkins says:
My first suggestion would be to get rid of anything you have out that remind you of him! I'm not saying you need to throw this stuff away, but designate a box for all your sentimental stuff from your relationship and then ignore it. For example, I had been saving tons of our emails and I finally just deleted them! But first I printed them all out and put them in the box. Even to this day, I haven't gone back through the box – but I just couldn't bear the thought of throwing them away.
You also have to stop cyber-stalking him. (If you are.) If you're friends on Facebook, unfriend him. Don't follow his blog if he has one. The problem is that these tools allow you to feel like you are a part of someone's life and in this particular instance you need to feel the opposite. It's like an addiction, the more you find out, the more you relate it to your relationship and your understanding of him. In my case, I found out he was telling people that his first girlfriend (me) had cheated on him. I was heartbroken and sent him an email asking him why he could possibly say that. I thought I was getting justice but in retrospect he probably thought I was just crazy.
My last piece of advice would be to spend as much time as you can with your friends. The more you are with them, the less time you have to think about this guy. Your brain is kind of like a toddler at this point, it needs a diversion. You won't always be able to escape thinking about him (especially at night) but you can start to move on.
I wish you the best, Nina! It sounds like you are half-way to getting there, it's just going to take a little time and some vigilance on your part. {HUG} ]]>
November 6, 2011
Cheyenne @ 1:08 pm:
"put out" uh wtf lol. just chill and live naturally.